Actress and former Game of thrones Star Maisie Williams gave an insight into her harrowing childhood, especially her ‘painful relationship’ with her father, in an interview on Steven Bartlett’s CEO Diary Audio notation.
Williams, who has rarely spoken about her father in the past, said she did not want to give too many details about her relationship with him because what also happened “affects my siblings and my entire family.” But she said, “I, when I was a little girl before the age of eight, had a traumatic relationship with my father…that really consumed a lot of my childhood. Since I can remember, I’ve been struggling with sleep. And I think a lot of the painful things that were going on, I didn’t realize she was wrong.”
Growing up, Williams said she remembered feeling distant from other children, wondering why they didn’t seem to “understand this pain, or dread, or fear” she was feeling. She also asked, “Where is the joy … and when will it come to me?”
Williams said she was about four months old when her mother left her dad, describing things as “bad before that.” Williams wasn’t even eight years old until she realized what was really going on. She remembered that she was struggling in school and the teacher had her take her aside and ask her questions like how she was feeling and if she was hungry.
“They were asking the right questions,” Williams said, and she began to resist her tears. “I had so many people who loved me and cared so much about me, but I was never asked the right questions where I could really say what was wrong.”
This was the moment, Williams said, when “all the doors were kind of open, and all these things we were experiencing were on the table.” But she admitted that at the time she wanted to respond and say, “This stuff isn’t bad, and you’re trying to take me away from my father, which is wrong.”
Without providing specifics, Williams said it was essentially a “doctrine indoctrination”, suggesting that this might explain her current obsession with cults. “I see, I was in child worship against my mother.” She added, “So I was really fighting it at first, but my whole world turned upside down. And despite all these things I was feeling – ‘Oh my God, I’m so glad I don’t have to see my dad anymore’ – it was Against everything I knew to be true.”
When asked how she feels about her father now, Williams said she has been thinking a lot about her childhood experience recently and working to overcome any personal guilt she might feel for what happened to her. “It’s not because of me that these bad things happened when I was a kid,” she said, adding, “I felt there was something inherently wrong with me, or between us, because we did so many wrong things all the time, which is why you get abused… especially because he was one of the Parents, they are supposed to love you.”
Willems said that she is now able to “separate” herself from her a bit and think of her father as a person. “What’s going on that you’re so stuck in your mind that you can just permanently abuse people? Kids, your kids? But taking that step back and seeing it more objectively makes me very interested in the guy—I don’t know him at all—and what happened to you when you were a kid?”
“I don’t know if any of the answers to that will help me on my journey, but it’s kind of a better way of thinking about him than as someone who doesn’t love me or loves me,” she added.
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